by Shenzhan/申展
Cover of Roses, The Cranberries
A summary of fragmented thoughts during the week, Proof of Living Moments (PLM) intends to have an account of what comes to my mind when I am reading on the subway, walking in the street or listening to a podcast. Thoughts often appear, then disappear into the ocean of unconsciousness, as if they have never existed.
As if that living moment has never existed.
I hope these notes are at least a proof of those living moments.
April 26, 2019. In the End, the 8th and last of album by The Cranberries is out.
I heard this through “All Songs Considered”, a podcast on today’s music, with an ear-mug BOSE attached to my head on the way to work in downtown Manhattan. Like many New Yorkers, I nowadays walk in the street wearing a big BOSE headset, which was quite good in the winter as it worked as a pair of ear mugs. Now it becomes questionable with the warm weather. On crowded subways, I take it off as it might appear to be a bit obnoxious since the BOSE seems to scream “DON’T TALK TO ME! I AM IN MY OWN WORLD!”. Sometimes I enjoy it so much and choose to stay annoying people around me, like this Friday.
An internationally successful Irish band since early 1990s, The Cranberries has always been a household name among Chinese, especially in Hong Kong. Chinese singer Faye Wong’s “Dream Lover” (梦中人), a cover of “Dreams” by the Cranberries in 1993, was made hugely popular in Hong Kong director Wong Kar-wai’s 1994 film Chungking Express (重庆森林). Today as In the End is released, the lead singer, Dolores O’Riordan has already passed away in January 2018 after drowned herself in a bathtub due to intoxication by alcohol. It’s almost a miracle that with recordings made by Dolores before her tragic death this album was made, as a tribute to the great singer from Ireland.
To me it’s working like a miracle too. It was raining hard that day after work. I was walking home from the train station, feeling good about my body, a bit sore but satisfied after twisting and stretching with Nick, one of my favorite yoga instructors at Yoga Agora in Astoria. The BOSE infused the Cranberries into my ears:
I got this thing in my head, when I awake in my bed
While I was thinking about when I wondered if you thought about me
…...
I am not in my bed and I often don’t keep thinking about this kind of questions. With my hands full with two bags and an umbrella, walking down Steinway Street to my apartment in the rain, Dolores’ angelical soft voice suddenly struck me.
“I was thinking about when I wondered if you thought about me”...
Right at this moment, I wonder who’s thinking about me, and I wonder whom I am thinking about. Memories flashed as I was having her music in my ear, watching a car on Steinway blinking its head lights. The street smelled like rain in spring, wet, fresh, with a touch of lingering coolness from the winter. It’s New York in April. Spring is still not fully here yet. I found myself walking very fast, surprised by how good the song is, and tears, just a little, came to my eyes.
Back in my apt, I searched for the song, Waiting in Walthamstow, and below is the lyrics:
I got this thing in my head, when I awake in my bed
While I was thinking about when I wondered if you thought about me
I’ve got a pain in my heart whenever we are apart
I’ve got a pain in my head when I awake in my bed
And I was waiting there for you, you were waiting there for me
I was waiting there for you, you were waiting there for me
Ah-ahah ah-ahah ah-ahah
I took the underground, I went eastbound
I went to Walthamstow
While you were waiting to see me there, I really really want you to know
I’ll never forget your kindness (ah ah), I’ll never forget your grace (ah ah)
I’ll never forget your honor (ah ah), you make the world a beautiful place (ah ah)
I was waiting there for you, you were waiting there for me
I was waiting there for you, you were waiting there for me
Lalalala, lalalala-la, lalalala-la
(Ah-ah-ah) In Walthamstow, in Walthamsto-ow-ow, Walthamsto-ow-ow
I was waiting there for you, you were waiting there for me
I was waiting there for you, you were waiting there for me
Lalalala-la, lalalala-la
Lalalalaa lala, lalalalaa lalalalala
Lalalala, lalalala, lalalala
Released in a 2012 album Roses, Dolores wrote the song herself. Walthamstow is a district in north-east London and was mentioned in a few songs before the Cranberries. I didn’t find any particular connection between the Cranberries or Dolores and Walthamstow. And I don’t know why I got so sentimental at that particular moment.
But it’s a living moment. And now I have a proof.
Astoria, New York
4/27/2019