妈妈：Dear Mom
见字如面 Hope you see the characters as if to see me
今天我只关心一件事 Today the only thing I concern about is
那些构成我们的粒子The particles that make us
来生如何？What will they become in the next life when
当我不再是我 I am no longer me, and
你也不再是你 You are no longer you?
我们的微粒重新飘舞在天地 Once again our tiny particles float in the universe
成为云 to be cloud
山河 mountains, river, or
或另一个生命 another being
它们还会相遇吗？在 Will they meet again in
同一滴水 the same drop of water, or
同一片叶 the same piece of leaf, or
或者同一颗跳动的心里 the same heart, beating together?
我们曾经的粒子重逢 Particles once part of us will reunite perhaps
或许比现在更紧密 even closer than we are ever
粒子们没有记忆 Particles won’t have memories, and
我想现在就告诉你这个 I want to tell you now that
我中有你 I could be in you and
你中有我的 You could be in me
来生 in our next life
展儿 Zhan’er
辛丑二零二一年六月二十六日纽约June 26, 2021, New York, Astoria
Astoria, New York
June 17, 2021
Rongchang, Chongqing
Dear Mom,
Hope you see the characters as if to see me.
It’s been a few days since the last time I wrote to you. I am very glad to see you are in good spirits these days. Today I have a sudden interest in practicing calligraphy, which reminds me of the days when my father taught me to practice writing with chalks on the blackboard. It is strange that such a memory is so clear even though I wasn't too into it at the time. Perhaps this is what’s called “things happen when not paying too much attention”!I am embarrassed that my calligraphy is still so rudimentary, while it does make me feel calm when writing calligraphy casually.
Yours,
Zhan’er
Astoria, New York
June 4, 2021
Dear Mom,
Hope you see the characters as if to see me.
The dim light in the early morning came through softly the window and the door next to the balcony. It is still too dark to read at the desk. I lit up a candle to write this letter to you. The flickering warm candlelight ---- not disturbing the quietness of the morning: only birds, not knowing better, will ---- reminds me of you. Xiaomi (the cat) is pacing nearby, sometimes jumping up on the desk and stepping onto the paper decisively, as if blaming me for paying too much attention to the letter, instead of her.
Yours,
Zhan’er
Astoria, New York
May 28, 2021
Rongchang, Chongqing
Dear Mom,
Hope you see the characters as if to see me.
I am planting pumpkins on the balcony. It reminds me of the days when you took me out to the field to learn about vegetables when I was little: sunny days, we walked through the narrow paths snaked through the field, surrounded by purple broad bean flowers, golden canola flowers, or lush green leaves of sweet potatoes. Yam, with big round leaves, reminded me of those of lotus , which I loved for no reason. All of the memories are still so vivid after these many years. With eyes closed, I could easily be brought back to the past. Perhaps many years later, I will still remember this early summer, the seeds from the pumpkin I left on the balcony last winter are all sprouting, the seedlings squeezing each other in the gardening basket. You asked me to cook them -- sautéed pumpkin sprouts perhaps! Do you remember last year what you said to me on WeChat when I showed you the pictures of cherry tomatoes I grew?
“Be careful of squirrels!”
Yours,
Zhan’er
Astoria, New York
May 8, 2021
Rongchang, Chongqing
Dear Mom,
Hope you see the characters as if to see me.
When I am not by your side, please think of all the time since you brought me to this world -- since we became mother and daughter---when I am not by your side, please believe that I am trying hard to live, not giving up love and kindness, which you’ve taught me throughout your life. The thought of you may bring me tears, softly and sadly, but that is also love and tender. When I am not by your side, please read this letter, feeling as if I am in your hand, just like you holding my feet when I was a baby. Each character is me smiling at you, crying for you, and telling you about life. In the end we will walk into different times, but the warmth you gave me will stay for the rest of my life. Just as we’ve met in this short life, perhaps we will come across again in our next life, when I might be a mother and you were my daughter, or we could be lovers, or you were a flower, and I was the little stone at your foot. This temporary departure is not an endless night, but another wait.
Yours,
Zhan’er