申展/Shenzhan
I guess even in 2020, I don’t have much to complain about.
I just spent the entire Christmas Day at home, not setting a toe out of my building --only once out of my apartment to place a gift box to C, my sweet neighbor, and the person I possibly have seen more than any other human being in person in 2020. Now, at 6 pm, Mozart music was playing on YouTube with a fireplace on screen projecting flames and, hypothetically, warmth in my living room (only the smoke is missing, but who cares? It can be unpleasant anyway); There is a 4-foot tall real tree, which I was fortunate to get before my luck was deprived of the Christmas tree shortage, now standing in my other living room with ridiculous lights and a few ornaments, including a nutcracker soldier, a few colorful glitter balls, a miniature Santa on a ski slide, a shining unicorn, and a ceramic cat holding a fish saying “小米“ on its belly; the named cat, 小米, after watching “from Russian with Love'' on my lap, was now trying to steal a piece of cheese from my snack board, despite the fact that a) it’s Christmas (not that she cares), b) I just fed her and c) I tried to keep her away by waving a napkin persistently (yes, it is a competition on persistence with a cat); I spent the entire day finishing a 9-panel mod podge art project with photos of foods and fruits from Oaxaca in June, 2019; I opened gifts and Christmas cards: a pair of beautiful leather gloves with fox fur from K, and a sweet candle in a fancy white jar from M...the Christmas tree is blinking like crazy, I am completely alone, but feel so complete, and for the first time smile with a thought that I can officially claim I have a boyfriend, i.e., K. How crazy is that after, huh, all these 18 years I am single!!??
Oaxaca in 9 panels, 2019 by Shenzhan, December 25, 2020
Or, if I choose so, I have a lot to complain about: the day started with a terrible storm waking me up in the middle of the night (very unusual!) with me finding everything on my balcony turned upside down in the morning; global warming--it was almost 60 F (or 15 C) on Christmas Day--I’m seriously worried for our children’s generation even though I am almost certain that I will remain childless throughout the rest of my life; the said boyfriend, K, after making a delicious veal dinner with mushroom and fragrant rice on Dec. 23, with a bottle of 19-year-old cabernet from CA that made both of us sick the next day (DELICIOUS when drinking it though!), disappeared on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to be with his daughter’s fiancée’s family (BTW, I shall give him credit for staying in line in the afternoon of the 23rd to get all ingredients without completely losing his temper with all the slowly-moving shoppers around in the store, and covid cases are rising...); my mother still has cancer, though not progressing terribly aggressively at this moment and was laughing with me when I shared a screen shot of her messy hair during our video wechating; restaurants in NYC are still only open for outdoor dining--and who would eat outdoor these days, even huddling under a heating lamp??; and I am not currently in China: for the past decade, I have always been in China on Christmas Day, not necessarily celebrating as China is growing increasingly hostile to Western holidays in recent years, but I was with my family --- a full dressed dancing Santa always stood in front the building where my parents live, a small city nestled in the small hills in southwest China, covered with green vegetations in winter. And I wonder if the Santa would still hold his saxophone like every previous year, and swag with the pre-recorded music, even when it’s raining.
This year I had to invent my Christmas tradition in NYC all from scratch because it’s 2020. Now, everybody knows what “It’s 2020” means. In 3 years, we will have to add anecdotes. People forget, and kids are born every second despite the fact that the pandemic is still spreading uncontrollably. And they tend to have a terrible memory of the first few years right after being born, which I find is utterly unfair: should the first few years in your life be most memorable since everything is so fresh?
Well, I guess it’s all about choice. And I am just so content right now, on a Christmas Day after working from home for 9 months as covid19 claimed more than 1.75M lives worldwide. One day, when 2020 is over, and I might be spending Christmas Eve with K, I would be happy about what I chose to not complain about this Christmas.
Astoria, New York
12/25/2020